Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize