I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
