Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
