Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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