who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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