Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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