shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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