I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
