why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
