They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
