I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
