i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
