Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
wow bdsm is so cute
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
