Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
