So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
