the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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