if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
