Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
