Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm like, not good at living.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
