What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
