After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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