i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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