I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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