The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
