Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
