Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
