Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
