I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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