If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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