so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
