i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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