Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
