Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
