I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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