You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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