the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
