Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Even my vagina gasped.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
