you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
