Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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