Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
