I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
