i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize