if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
