some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
