I met the friendliest cop last night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
