Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
