I puked a lego.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
