You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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