saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
