You really coming over, don't trick.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
