you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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