I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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