Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
